Why Me?
by skruff
Summary: Castle and Beckett finally talk to each other about their feelings - set in Season 4, before 47 seconds.


**_I got the inspiration to write this story based on the following prompt although it doesn't actually fulfill it:_**

 **Tumblr Prompt:** if anyone can put Beckett saying "pick me, choose me, love me" in an actual dialogue between them, i will forever love that person from the deepest core of my heart 3

Set in Season 4, before 47 Seconds

 **A/N:** _I was recently looking through all my files and found this story which I wrote quite a while ago (2015 - 3 years, wow!) but forgot all about. Thought I'd tweak it a little, publish it on here, and see what happens._ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.

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They sit beside each other on the couch. Knees touching, hands cradling their coffee mugs.

"No one would ever pick me to be the romantic type," she says softly, eyes held on the swirling brown liquid in her cup.

Castle admires her gorgeous face, staring at her long lashes, casting thin shadows on her flushed cheeks. "No, no they probably wouldn't," he laughs lightly.

She looks up and gazes into the sparkling deep blue eyes of the man who loves her. The man who doesn't know she loves him back.

"Castle, why did you choose me?" she questions, her finger draws light circles over the rim of her mug.

He's momentarily taken back by her straightforward query. "I've already told you, detective. Because you're tall," he replies with a smirk contorting his mouth.

She sighs audibly. "No, I - just be serious for a second." She places her half empty cup on the cool glass of his coffee table. "Rick," she pleads, clasping her hands together before letting them replace the warmth of her coffee mug. "Why are you still here? After all this time, after everything we've been through, everything you've seen; good and bad. Why would you stick around?" she finishes, body tensing up as she realises how much she's allowed him to say. How she practically gave him the right to tear open his chest and give her his heart.

Beckett looks away from his face, unable to witness the sea of emotions flitting across it. She glances at the cup of coffee sitting on the table, but it doesn't help. That cup holds too much of them inside its porcelain walls. Coffee isn't just a caffeinated beverage, waking her up to get ready for a busy day. It's now so much more.

She takes a chance and finally looks back at her partner. His brows are furrowed causing his eyelids to close slightly. He's got that look, the one of concern and love and confusion. It makes the blue of his irises so much darker.

"Kate I - we don't have to do this now," he says, shifting slightly in his seat.

Oh. He's giving her an out. Letting her back away from this conversation, to give in to her second thoughts.

She's tired of giving in. Tired of being who she is. She wants to be more and to do that, she first needs to make room to grow. So she knocks out a few of those bricks in her internal wall.

Kate pulls her knees further on to the couch, her socked feet hang off the edge. She begins to curl up, almost forgetting she is trying to be more open, before uncurling her body.

"We have time. The case is closed, I have nowhere to be," she says. "Unless you have something planned..." she replies cautiously.

Why didn't she think of that? Maybe he doesn't want to talk to her. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt her feelings with the truth. What if she made him wait too long?

Her heart begins to speed up, breaths become more shallow and her head starts to spin.

She _cannot_ have a panic attack now. No way.

* * *

Castle notices the signs: her body trembles, breath quickens, her hand rises to her chest as her eyes close.

He reaches across the barrier, created by the pillow he unconsciously laid between them, and places his hand on her knee. His fingers hold on, trying to pull her back to reality.

"Kate," he soothes. "It's okay," he pauses, trying to think of a reason why her panic was triggered.

What was she asking earlier? She thought he had somewhere else, somewhere better to be. But oh how far from the truth that is. There's nowhere better he could be than right here, with her.

"I'm not going anywhere. The only place I need to be is here, with you." He squeezes her knee once again. A last ditch effort to bring her back to him.

She pops her eyes open, glistening with unshed tears. Her body rises shakily with her deep breaths.

Castle releases the grip he has on her leg and begins to slowly retract his hand.

Her eyes open wider, confidence and resolution shining out brightly. Her whole demeanor quickly changes and she reaches out for his retreating hand. Her strong slender fingers wrap around his, holding on tight.

He knows her fingers are cold but he only feels the warmth running up his arm from the point of contact, filling up his heart.

He continues to stare, awe-struck. Her voice is the only thing which pulls him from his dazed state.

Castle lifts up his head towards her face, eyes soon to follow. His mouth opens and closes, it's not possible for words to exit when she looks at him like that. It's not possible to do anything other than stare.

She has one of those half smiles. The one that brightens up her whole face with only a sliver of teeth showing through her pink lips. She raises an eyebrow in challenge. For what she is challenging, he doesn't–

"You love me."

 _Oh_. He didn't expect that.

His tongue betrays him when he requires it the most so instead he nods, carefully, almost as if he's not sure whether he should give her the absolute truth. But she did start this conversation. She was the one with the questions, the one who grabbed his hand when he started to slip away. She is the one who still holds on. She doesn't block the hole she made in her wall. Doesn't attempt to refill it with the discarded bricks.

She's left it open, concrete smashed to pieces outside unable to be put back together. There's no going back. The hammer is in his hand now. She has given it all she's got, the hole is as big as she can manage on her own.

Now it's up to him.

"Yes. I love you, Kate. _God_ , I love you."

.

* * *

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 **A/N:** _I realise I didn't really follow the prompt all that well, it's more my own take on it. Oh well._


End file.
